I love watching Charlie Rose on my DVR (usually while working out on the stair master). His program is such an education in all things: film, TV, theatre, literature, politics. (I admit to more often than not deleting the segments on politics.) Recently, I watched him interview Julie Taymor, a director most often associated with creating "The Lion King," as well as "Spider-man: Turn Off the Dark" for Broadway. She's created and directed many other wonderful films, opera, theatre, puppets. Suffice to say, she is an amazing story-teller, with some of the most creative visual images you can imagine. So, it's no surprise that Apple would want to hire her.
Ms. Taymor told a story on Mr. Rose's program about Apple asking her if she would be interested in designing an App for the iPad. Her response was no. No to Apple? Who does that? Charlie Rose asked why and Ms. Taymor responded (and I'm paraphrasing), "Why would I want to create something where you are looking down into a little box. I want to create something that forces you to look up and out."
Up and out.
Hearing this quote, I was instantly brought back to December 4, 1999, the day I gave the eulogy for my dear friend Elaine Welton Hill. Elaine was a wonderful actress and director who died too young of ovarian cancer. I met Elaine shortly after I moved to Los Angeles. I was pretty green. She directed me in a monologue at a theatre workshop in Studio City. The thing I remember most about that first encounter with her as an artist (aside from being afraid of her) was that she kept telling me not to look at the stage floor, that there was nothing on the floor, to look up and out so everyone could see my eyes. When I look back at her life, that was how she lived it: looking up and out, dealing with things head on, moving forward, never wallowing.
Up and out.
Of course, we all love to look back, right? Looking back can indeed be helpful. "Those who ignore history are condemned to relive it." But, how much looking back should one do in one's own life? For myself, have I been looking back too much of late? Perhaps. Part of it has been focused on career, feeling like the days pass and I haven't accomplished nearly what I would like. I'm not getting any younger and that's not a phrase you want to hear in Hollywood. And then there's always the question of why haven't I booked/auditioned for "fill in the blank." Another part of the looking back is focused on goals I set at the beginning of the year to put better habits in place - habits that still haven't become muscles yet: Put in that yoga DVD, drink less wine, spend more time in prayer, keep your desk clean.
And a big part of my looking back has been the death of my father. He passed away on December 16, 2012. I look back on his death and wish there was a way I could have seen him one last time. I look back and wish I had called him more. I look back and wish we had more to say to each other. I look way back and wish that my father and mother had never divorced. I look back and remember his laugh. I look back and remember that wonderful day in October - just two months before he passed - when my sisters and brothers and my mom and dad were all together. Yes, that's a wonderful memory.
My father knew he was dying. My sister tells me in his final days, he did a lot of looking back. And I think he had some regrets that haunted him. That hurts to think about. But, I know he doesn't have any regrets now.
So, where does this all lead? I believe there should be some looking up, some looking out and some looking back - but not in equal percentages. My brother says he always knows a person is lying if they say "I have no regrets." I think he's right. We will all look back and have regrets. But, if we can keep reminding ourselves to look up and out, to keep pushing ourselves forward, that will encourage growth. As an actress, that is vital to the craft. As a person, it's vital to being alive.
I should add that looking down from time to time can also important.
That way, you won't trip.
