An After Thought

One thing right off the bat - I am not at all trying to compare my experience of shaving my head to anyone who has had to lose their hair due to illness. No one has accused me of that, but I don't want any of my posts to be misinterpreted. We actors can be a narcissistic beast, and while blogs can lean toward that description (whether they are actor blogs or other folks), I'm really just trying to express what might be an interesting study in vanity/acting/fear.

Fear. Yes, that was the word for today. Although, not in relation to my hair. It came up in two conversations I had with other actors. It is my goal for this production to not have the fear that has accompanied other shows. Oh, I've covered the fear pretty well in the past, but I KNOW that fear controls too much of my work.

My job is a storyteller and if fear is a part of it, I'm not telling the story in the best way I can. Of course, the irony is that Vivian Bearing (me in the story) is filled with fear - so much so that she can only let down her barriers when she is staring death in the face.

Isn't that the way? To be playing a character that struggles with exactly what I struggle with. Diana Castle, my acting teacher and artistic mentor, would say "What you want to hide, is exactly what we in the audience want to see." Taking it a step further, Vivian Bearing would call it ironic that the part of me that I control is exactly what needs to be shown and then released in this story.

God's timing is everything, isn't it?

I am grateful for the opportunity to shave my head and stare down fear and death without being there literally.

The shaved head seems an after thought . . . for today.