Fear

WIT opened over the weekend. The week leading up to the opening entailed three previews, one of which scared the heck out of me. It was one of those painful "I can't wait until this is over" kind of nights. I was definitely not playing on the edge of the cliff. I had stepped way back into "planning" and, consequently, was not having very much fun.

A conversation with my director and an email from my acting teacher put into focus my fear. Fear. I am so sick of being afraid in my art. I am done with it. I am going to look fear in the face each and every night I tell the story. I will embrace the improvisational nature of my art, knowing that when I have done my homework, I can fly without a net and not be afraid.

And so, as another preview came, I decided to step out on the edge of the cliff. And it was exhilarating. Definitely scary, but decidedly not as painful as the night before.

I will look the audience in the face each and every night and I will ask them, through the story, to join me on the journey. And, if they choose not to go, that's ok. My journey as Vivian cannot ever be perfect. If I don't have to worry about perfection, what is there to be afraid of? I just need to go out each night and play, minister, tell the story.

So, even on Opening Night, when part of the story was jumbled in my head and it didn't come out "perfect," it didn't matter. The audience didn't know - they were in the story. So, I jumped back in with them. And, it was a great roller coaster ride.

Fear. I'm going to face it every night.